I always had good intentions to be one of those moms who doesn't cave into their kids unreasonable demands. I thought that with the proper combination of love and discipline, my kids would be little angels who would do whatever I asked.
Okay, so I was a little naive. Having never been around kids for extended periods, I did not realize the power such a little person can hold over the otherwise reasonable adults who raise them. Now I realize that successful parenting is not so much about finding the perfect combination of love and discipline that turns the kid into an angel and is more about surviving every day by choosing your battles.
Unfortunately, I think that lately, the toddler has been winning every battle. I have my excuses for my lax parenting, so I will lay them out for you:
1. I am rotund and achy and get very little sleep.
2. Eddie is a very stubborn child.
3. Eddie has been teething and/or sick for most of his life, so I feel bad when I put my foot down too often.
4. Eddie is a two year old and cannot be reasoned with.
5. Eddie is a master manipulator who knows exactly how to get his way.
It is Excuse #5 which I wish to discuss today. In just the last few days, I have started to notice how entirely Eddie is the master of this domain. I think we have been on a slippery slope for some time, but since we learned that his two-year molars are coming in, I have become even more lax than before, telling myself that he doesn't feel good and I shouldn't be too hard on him.
The reality is that Eddie knows my weak spots. Here are a few examples of how he messes with me and inevitably gets his way:
Scenario #1 Lunch
When we get home from work every morning, Eddie wants to "watch some-pin." I am okay with this because it gives me time to make lunch without being asked "what you doin?" eight thousand times. In former times, I would make said lunch, then turn off the TV while Eddie came into the kitchen, sat at the counter, and ate his lunch. Now when lunch is ready, I say "Eddie, do you want to come eat your lunch?" to which he immediately responds "No." When I press him, he says, "In living room?" Unfortunately, I have given into this request one too many times. Now if I say no, he bursts into tears and cannot be calmed until I bring him his lunch in the living room. Or, if I try to wait it out, thinking he will eventually get hungry and come into the kitchen, he will just not eat lunch.
Scenario #2 Lunch
The other trick Eddie likes to pull at lunch time (usually in conjunction with the one detailed above) is to be completely indecisive. I am happy to give him a choice on what he wants to eat as long as he follows through and eats what I make for him. Unfortunately, that is not usually how it works. I will say "Eddie, do you want toast with cheese for lunch?" For the sake of this scenario, we'll say he agrees. I go in the kitchen and make toast with cheese. After going through scenario #1, I bring his food into the living room and set it next to him on the couch. Then Eddie says "don't want cheesy toast any more." So I say "well what do you want?" I will suggest various things, which he will always reject. Finally, after the cheese on his toast has solidified into a greasy glob, he will request "sugar toast" (which is really cinnamon sugar toast, one of Ed's breakfast staples). Generally I try to restrict the sugar toast to a breakfast food, but if I refuse, he will then burst into tears, crying "want sugar toast! want sugar toast!" until I give in.
Scenario #3 Nap
After lunch, I attempt to convince Eddie that it is nap time. He has been pretty good about taking naps willingly and I can usually succeed in getting him up the stairs and into his bed. It is once he is in the bed that the tricks start. I tuck him in and walk to the door, at which point he says "Momma?" I turn and say "yes?" Then he says "Wanna say prayer?" I feel this is one request I ought to grant, so I come back in and try to get him to say a prayer. Of course now he refuses to say a prayer or listen to me say one. So I try again to leave and he again demands a prayer. Regardless of whether or not I say a prayer, he is always mad when I finally get frustrated and leave the room. At that point, he generally cries for 10 minutes, then switches to talking and singing for the next 50-75 minutes until I give in and go get him out of bed.
So here is my appeal to you: how do I turn the tables and regain control of our lives? Do I let Eddie go hungry if he refuses to do as I ask? Do I stop asking what he wants to eat and just make something else instead then insist that he eat it? Or do I continue to give in to his demands and end up with one of those 300 pound 3 year olds and we'll go on Dr. Phil so he can berate me for not feeding my child enough vegetables and letting him watch too much TV?
2 comments:
If Taylor changes his mind & doesn't want to eat or tries to eat in the living room, he gets buckled in his chair. (which makes him freak out for a bit of course-but we rarely have to do it anymore) If he eats willingly then I let him sit in a regular chair. It works pretty well most of the time as long as I keep enforcing it so that he expects it. You will probably have a few days of serious power-struggle whatever you decide to do, but I bet he will realize that you are in charge before too long :)
Once baby comes things will be better. Stay consistant in whatever you choose to do. We got WAY lax when Mason was born and Calvin was walking all over us, finally we actually followed through with our threats and regained the control and now it is back in our court. I for sure agree about the picking your battles, I let Calvin eat in the family room, but if I want him in the kitchen then I turn off the tv and eventually he comes it. Every child is different, so although it works for us, unfortunatly doesn't mean it will work for you. GOOD LUCK!!
Post a Comment