Ten Things...

...I Have Learned From Having a Toddler

1. Out of sight, out of mind
The person who came up with this saying must have been a parent. We have found that one of the most effective ways to reduce tantrums and conflicts is to avoid letting Eddie see or hear anything about something which could make him upset. For example: We now have a habit of laying a kitchen towel over the cookie container so he can't see what is inside. Eddie's trike stays in the closet when not in use. One of us distracts Eddie upstairs or outside while the other uses the blender. We spell words that we do not dare say out loud, like "park" and "snacks" and "cookie."

2. Shoes and socks should not be worn in the car
Every car ride (no matter how short) involves the removal of Eddie's shoes. If the ride is long enough, his socks go too. I have considered removing them before we even start to save him the trouble, but he would probably be upset about that and demand to have "shoe shon" just so he could take them off himself.

3. If Momma suggests it, it must be a bad idea
90% of the suggestions I make to Eddie are swiftly answered with a "NO!" Then if I suggest the complete opposite, he replies "NO!" For example: The other day I was eating some cheese. Eddie walks in. I say, "Eddie, do you want some cheese?" He yells "NO!" I say, "Okay, you don't have to have any." Eddie then yells "CHEESE!" like he wants some. This goes back and forth for a good 5 minutes before I finally say "You can't have any cheese," which is when Eddie breaks down into hysterics. Then I give him a piece of cheese, which he promptly throws on the floor and stomps on in tears.

4. Hills are made for running down
This makes for long walks around the block, since we inevitably have to go downhill, then back uphill. He can't simply walk up the hill. He must walk part way up, then charge back down, over and over. This would go on all day if I didn't finally pick him up amidst writhing screams and carry him home. Maybe one of these days I'll let him keep going until he stops on his own... just to see how long it would take.

5. If you're going to eat fruit snacks, you should be able to eat as many as you want
I do what I can to regulate Eddie's sugar intake. I am not sure if it does or does not affect his mood, however, I am keen on helping prevent diabetes if possible. So I try not to let him eat sugary things like fruit snacks every day. Then when I let him eat them, I will let him have one package. This fills Eddie with rage. It is almost better to have no fruit snacks because as soon as he horks them down in 2.4 seconds, he is angrily demanding more "nacks!" Upon being informed that there are no more snacks, he continues demanding them until I either give in or find some way to distract him.

6. All statements must be properly acknowledged before we can move on
This has become a habit for me. I simply repeat what he says back to him so that he'll stop yelling it. Occasionally, though, Dave and I will be having a conversation and Eddie will be repeatedly shouting something at increasing volume until one of us breaks off mid-sentence to acknowledge it. Then Eddie will happily move on to the next thing. For example, when we are driving in the car and see a church and/or temple, Eddie feels compelled to shout "SEE TEMPLE! SEE IT!" until we tell him that yes, we also see the temple.

7. Sand is yummy; chicken is not
No matter how many different forms we try to feed to him, Eddie will not eat chicken. We have occasionally gotten him to eat other types of meat, but with chicken, he is stubborn. Sometimes he will even put it in his mouth, chew it up, then spit it out. Sand, on the other hand, is one of Eddie's staples. This grosses me out because I have seen dogs root around in the same sand that Eddie likes to eat. I am somewhat worried that he is going to end up with ringworm or some other parasite from eating park sand. He insists on eating it so much that I have considered buying a bag of sandbox sand just so I know the sand he is eating is reasonably clean.

8. If something is worth doing once, it is worth doing over and over and over and over and over and over
Unfortunately for me, during our recent ride home from Cedar City, Eddie suddenly wanted me to do "piggies" on his toes. We were about 10 minutes outside of Nephi, where we were planning on stopping for dinner. So I did 10 minutes of "this little piggy..." on Eddie's feet, all while twisted around uncomfortably in the seat so I could reach said feet. After every "wee wee wee," Eddie immediately said, "gain." I was trapped.

9. Having the sun shine on you in the car is like having your eyes boiled out with acid
This is why we own hats and sunglasses. Now if only Eddie would realize the wisdom of putting on his hat and glasses when the sun shines on him. Instead, he writhes. He shrieks. He yells "SUN ON YOU! GO WAY!" This makes for some miserable car rides... especially when it is just the two of us and there is nothing I can do to get the sun off of his face. Or when he simply refuses to be comforted despite Dave's attempts to shield him from the sun.

10. Getting all wet is always fun
It doesn't matter if it is winter. It doesn't matter if the water temperature is 40 degrees. It doesn't matter where we are or what we are doing... if Eddie can get wet, he will. He will splash until he is turning blue and shivering, and then he'll splash some more. I have now learned that I should always pack a change of clothes when we go somewhere with a fountain.