The Airing of Grievances (Eddie-Style)

I felt kinda bad for Daddy, since not very many people took up his offer to air their grievances, so I decided to make my own list. It took me a little while since I had to learn how to read and write first. Here goes.

1. People who can't tell that I'm a boy
Mommy and Daddy dress me in obviously boy clothes in an attempt to avoid this problem, but it doesn't always work. Honestly, how many girls do you see wearing shirts with skateboarding monkeys on them? I know I have beautiful porcelain skin like a certain teenage vampire, but come on. Plus, if I were a girl, I would be wearing a headband featuring a flower the size of a cantaloupe.

2. Clothes that advertise my lack of size
I'm aware I'm not as large as say... Daddy... but do all the clothes my parents buy have to feature the word "lil" or "little" on them? I've got "little captain" pajamas, a "lil buckaroo" onesie, "little monkey" overalls, "little cutie" burp-cloths, and the list goes on. Didn't you people ever listen to Yoda?

3. Strangers who use me as a conversation starter
No, I'm not grumpy, I just don't like to share my perfect smile with strangers in Wal-Mart, the doctor's office, the elevator, the parking lot, etc. Mommy should just attach a sign to my car seat that says, "Yes, I'm a boy and I am 4 months old. I am aware that I am very cute. You really don't have to tell me about your grandchildren. I'm sure they're almost as cute as I am." That would save a lot of awkward conversations.

4. Mommy and Daddy's dinner time
Why is it that every day around 6:00 PM, Mommy and Daddy don't want to pay attention to me? I keep yelling at them, but all they do is hand me a toy and go back to shoveling food in their mouths. I usually win about halfway through though, and one of them is forced to abandon their dinner and pick me up.

5. The hypnotizing/brainwashing effects of my "dealie whirler"
For those who are unaware, my "dealie whirler" is a toy that Mommy and Daddy put me under, and features all manner of twirling, whirling lights, colors, shapes and sounds. Try as I might, once it starts, I cannot look away. I'm worried if I stare at it long enough, I might just forget all my recently acquired reading and writing skills. Mommy and Daddy don't care though, they are too busy playing Ticket to Ride for the umpteenth time.